I have always felt warm and fuzzy about Christmas. When I was little, my parents made it a really special season full of tradition and fun. We put up our tree as a family, made Party Mix together, and visited Roscoe at the living Nativity. Christmas specials on TV were major events. On Christmas Eve, we would squeeze into the pews at mass and sing carols, and everything was warm and smelled like incense. On Christmas morning, Jennifer and I would wake up at the crack of dawn and have to wait in the hallway until Mom and Dad “checked to see if Santa came” (which really meant make coffee and turn on the tree lights).
Christmas last year was full of sadness for me. It was my first Christmas after getting divorced, and I felt alone in the world. I went through the motions; I put up my Christmas tree, made paper snowflakes, and made Party Mix, but my heart wasn’t really in it. Most of my friends have kids and were doing fun holiday things with them. I missed my mom more than usual. My dad and my sister had their own new families, and I was just trying to heal and survive the whole holiday season. On most normal days of that year, I was strong and held things together as I figured out my new independent life. But I was a mess in December. All I felt was loss. It is painful to even think about it now.
After mass on Christmas Eve, my dad brought me a piece of straw from the Nativity at the altar. It is supposed to be good luck for the upcoming year, and we both knew that I could use some happiness. I felt relieved when the holidays were over. I considered it a personal success that I survived, and I put the straw in my wallet. I didn’t really know what would happen to me in the new year, but I had hope that it would be something good. Then on New Years Eve as I was driving home from a friend’s party, I got an email from Keith.
Recently while cleaning out my nightstand, I found this little note I had written to myself. It said, “You will be happy again.”I was totally right. I feel more hopeful now than I have been in a long time. My 2010 was full of new experiences. I earned my Masters degree, I started a new relationship with a really great man, I became a football fan, I drove on the LA freeway and did not get killed (just honked at!). I learned how to enjoy time spent by myself. I lost 10 pounds and exercised for 70 days in a row. I feel strong and brave, and my life seems full of possibilities. This year for Christmas I am going to Chicago to spend it with Keith and his family, and when I decked out my little apartment for the holidays, I felt relief and happiness. I can’t wait to see what this year brings 
